Sixteen Months Later... And Some of This Fog Is Leaving

Thats right my dear Pixels, it has been more then a fucking year since I last posted... life what a bitch, huh?

Please help this sad and disgruntled drunk from not shriveling up... how say you my dear old Pixels?
Can you oblige?


LETS START THIS BLOG OVER!!!!!
ART COMES FIRST!
PISS AND MOAN SOMEWHERE ELSE...
IN 1...2...3.......................................................

Life is like a mold of Jell-O

I totally missed the month of June! How about that?
Well pixels, don't think I was living the high life this whole time... just more petty depression and procrastination. Pretty pitiful really.
I originally started this blog as a way to keep myself busy but... well, easier said then done.
It's easy to blame these emotions and this current venomous condition on my JOB situation or lack there off.
~sigh~
Feels like my life is going nowhere real fast. My birthday was last month pixels, I turned 24, I'm now officially in my mid 20s and still don't have a driver's license, still don't have a job, and still don't have FORM to my shapeless and meaningless life.

Imagine pixels (if you will), my life like a candy apple red colored jello just siting precariously out in the lush summer sun. It [my life] has shape, it has density, it's plump and hearty. But now that unforgiving sun has melted my life into a despicable puddle of red flat liquid. That sugary dull puddle is how I feel right now... and any longer I'm gonna dry up and have my flakes taken away with the wind.


Wow that was grim...
Well, on the bright side though my mother got me a Cintiq for my birthday (plus invited my friends over... cause I didn't feel the need to have them over... oh her!). The Cintiq is something I wanted to buy for many years, It was my dream project, that special item that I would buy when I had earned enough money. My mother though I needed one earlier. Shes too good for me pixels, I love her so much. It really is a great gift and art tool (I still have to get used to seeing it in my room).

So hopefully, I will be posting pieces of art done through the magic of my Cintiq in the future.
Cheers!



(FYI, see that white glove in the left corner of the picture? It's a beauty glove I bought because my fucking left hand is so damn sweaty! Don't laugh!)

The Funk

That's what I call this dreadful dirge of a mood.
Some days (and nights) my slight depression, extreme loneliness, and my self loathing fuse into a poisonous cocktail... and it creates this.
This ridiculous and pitiful frame that I often wonder into, it's sicking and mind numbing.
I hate myself more for even... being here.

I can feel that lump in my throat... like I want to cry.
I can feel that pressure in my chest... like I want to yell.
I can feel my brain subtract... and that's when the will to live becomes much more clear.

Fortunately (or is it unfortunately?) I'm a very pious man...and for the most part too shrewd.
And I cant stand the thought of never seeing my Brothers and Mother again.
It would be selfish. It would be stupid.

But good lord. I feel so loathsome and useless, I'd rather live the life of a snail then carry on as this train wreck of a human being. I just want to be gone and never be remembered... as not to upset the people I have known.

This funk. It's selfish.
I hate who I have become in recent years.
I wish I was somebody else.
I just fantasize about being off in the heavens flying past the cosmos and to see his splendor.
Having the cool wind splash my face. My body and mind finally feeling liberated and free.

But Instead I'm here.
Wasting resources, being a nuisance, being lame.
I just need to sleep it off.